Dear Einstein,

I thought I was a smart cat, but I guess not any more. I live near a really prestigious Texas college. I’m not going to say where, but "Hook'em, Horns." I stayed with this really fun student. She got me for free in a Wal-Mart parking lot. I lived in an apartment with her and two other girls. They were always feeding me cool stuff like chicken tenders and baloney. When my girl left for the weekend to see her parents, she thought the other girls fed me. Most of the time they forgot. Talk about a bummer.

Even though they forgot about me sometimes, I always forgave them. I used to help them with their homework; I’d edit their research papers by adding keystrokes of my own. But school is out for the holidays. They all packed up their stuff in the car and drove away. It's happened a few times before. I think they called it Christmas holiday. They left food out for me. Well, my food has run out. I don’t know what to do? I’m so hungry I could eat a grasshopper. I've been drinking water out of a neighbor’s birdbath, but this morning it went dry.

I have another problem, even though I’m hungry all the time, my waist is expanding. What's that about?

I keep waiting. I know they’re coming back...I hope. I really thought they loved me. Can you help me?

Ann

Poor Orphan Annie,

You wouldn’t believe how many cats and dogs this happens to. People see those big sad eyes in the pet stores or behind a free sign and their hearts flop open wide. Unfortunately, so do their heads cuz their brains fall out at the same time.

Just cuz there’s a free sign in front of a kitty doesn’t mean there’s no cost. There ain’t no free lunch. (Being a literary type, I’m using “ain’t” for emphasis.) And there ain’t no free cat, either. (Or pups, for that matter.) They gotta pay for food, litter, shots, spay or neuter, disease testing, ear mite treatment, worming and emergency vet stuff. Properly cared for, a free kitty could cost $200—easy—maybe more. And that’s just starting out.

Adopting a cat is a lifetime commitment. A kitty lifetime averages between 14 and 18 years for us inside guys and 4 to 8 years for indoor/outdoor types. (That cute little pooch is going to last somewhere between 8 to 15 years depending on his size.) When people say, “I do”, they gotta understand what “I do” really means. We pets don’t understand divorce and we certainly don’t understand a marriage of convenience. We need and want a forever home.

They say we kitties and puppies don’t have a very long attention span, but it’s longer than many people’s. We don’t stop loving our people just because the semester is over or they buy a new house. According to the letters I get, the reverse isn’t necessarily true.

For some reason people think we kitties (and pups) are as disposable as an old diaper and, brother, I gotta tell ya—that stinks.

But humans shouldn’t think it’s any kinder to throw us outside on the street. It doesn’t give us a better chance at finding another great home. (Like someone who would kick us out gave us a great home in the first place!) Out on the streets we have to face a slow death by starvation. It’s not like the world has its arms open welcoming another stray animal.

They think that we kitties can take care of ourselves. Maybe a long time ago we kind of could have, when neighbors used garbage bags instead of those big plastic trash bins that so many cities use now. With those, there’s no way to sneak a meal.

When the fun’s worn off the relationship and the pet finds himself living on the street, abandoned cats and dogs also have to worry about vicious dogs and other predators, disease, mean people and the worst predator of all: cars (especially if you don’t know what a car is).

Of course, most of us poor pusses who are dumped haven’t been spayed or neutered, so boys go looking for trouble like fights. Then they get sick from abscesses and catch fatal diseases like feline leukemia and feline immunodeficiency virus (kitty AIDS.) And the girls are always looking for boys. That means for kitties like you, the problem is compounded. In a few months you’re going to be looking at a bunch more mouths to feed.

Some smart guys did studies and learned that moving and “other lifestyle issues” (translate that as, “fiancé doesn’t like cats”) were the top reasons for dumping pets 1. More than half of the poor pets who wound up at shelters were “humanely put to sleep” (code word for “killed”). The National Council on Pet Population Study conducted a survey on why people give up pets. Moving, and landlord problems (translated, “Got caught with a pet and no money for a deposit”) are two of the most common reasons.

I don’t get it. Most people take their kids when they move. How come they think it’s okay to leave us behind? Other studies found that most of the people who abandon or surrender their animals are under 30. More dogs are dogs are taken to shelters than cats and all other animals combined. Lots of cats are just thrown outside and those statistical types have no way of knowing how many. My secretary helped a family pack up to move to another town. When she asked who had the family dog she found out the jerk planned to leave him behind in a closed back yard. I won’t go into details, but she offered to perform a free neuter operation on the guy without benefit of anesthesia and pup joined in the party after all. He believed someone would find his pooch and give him a wonderful home and they would all live happily ever after.

Often pets abandoned don’t live at all. They starve to death or get hit by cars. There are many fairytale endings for animals in your paws. But remember, Grimm’s Fairy Tales didn’t always end happily.

It’s so hard for people to say “no” when they look at those cute little kittens being given away in front of the grocery store. But people need to ask themselves some questions before walk away with a bundle of fur. And parents of college age kids need to make sure that their students take responsibility for their pets.

Before adopting a kitty (or a pup) here are some questions you should
ask yourself:

• Cats can live 18 years. Are you willing to keep her that long?
  
  
• What is your landlord’s pet policy? Have you already paid you pet deposit?
  Even though kids might be able to sneak a cat in, if the landlord finds out, they would have to pay a substantial pet deposit or find their tails on the street. And thinking ahead, students need to make sure that their folks will let them bring the cat or dog with them when they come home for school breaks.
  
  
• Will you still want her when she’s grown if she scratches the furniture?
  
  
• If your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, kid is allergic to the cat, what will you do?
  
  
• If kitty develops litter box problems, will you take him to the vet and try to help him become friends with his box again?
  
  
• What happens to the pet if you have to move?
  Annie, my best advice to you is to ask a neighbor for help or try to find a feral cat colony that looks fat. If someone’s feeding them, they might be able to help you get back on your paws again.

1The two studies were conducted by Colorado State veterinary epidemiologist, Dr. M.D. Salman and sponsored by the National Council on Pet Population Study and Policy.